Mother's Day

Working with language all day as a journalist makes me take words at face value. Fires aren't conflagrations, blazes, or even infernos. They are just plain fires. House fires, forest fires, and industrial fires are all just plain fires.

That view of words works great as a reporter, but it doesn't work so well in my role as a husband and father. Words aren't always that direct. They are often filled with nuances and hidden meanings.

Such is the case with Mother's Day. I learned this lesson as a young father, as have countless other fathers when they have a baby at home or in the making. So be warned. Mother's Day really isn't about mothers.

Let me explain. When I was a young pup with a baby in my arms, Mother's Day was just around the corner. I didn't think much about it since my mother came from no-frills North Dakota farm stock. She wasn't much into Mother's Day gifts, so a card would serve well enough as a gift slipped to her during dinner at the homestead. My wife had already said she didn't want too much since we were poor and tired from months of sleepless nights. I got her a card and a gift certificate at a local department store, thinking she could get whatever she wanted.

Women readers just cringed. Some men did too. I could sense it. Others might have thought I was being progressive and thoughtful for even getting her anything since she wasn't my mother. Gift giving was our baby's responsibility.

A few days of cold shouldering and short responses suggested that wasn't the case, so I learned my lesson and got her a household appliance the following year. Women readers cringed, again, as did the men.

I was a slow learner.

I asked some friends of mine to share their Mother's Day tales so you can learn from our mistakes. I have deleted their names to protect the innocent.

"When she (his wife) was seven months pregnant with the first one, I bought a lilac tree, which we planted in the front yard," one friend recalled. "Every year, we take a picture with her and the kids in front of the tree. It could have been a great story, except the damn thing never flowered, and so when we moved we just left it."

It was the thought that counted, anyway.

Another friend worked all the time, so was gone most of the day. His wife stayed home to care for their two young children and was very frugal with money, so she spent a lot of time with the toddlers in the backyard and at nearby parks. Money was tight back then, so he thought he'd splurge and pay for a zoo pass for her and the children. He thought it would be a great gift because it would give her something to do with the children when he was away at work.

"Somehow, it seemed like such a good idea at the time," he said, noting that he is much wiser now. "Thankfully, we got past it."

The rule is husbands with children should treat Mother's Day just like Valentine's Day, just in a different month.