From the Editor: Choosing three times

When my first child was born in 1974, I felt I had no choice but to return to work. It was my first professional job after college, the pay and benefits were great, I felt needed there, and my husband was self-employed in seasonal work. I believed I could handle all my responsibilities, and be a good mother too. In reality, I found myself constantly chasing my own life, trying to live up to impossible expectations. I was not the mother I wanted to be. Nor was I the employee I wanted to be. I felt like I was faking it much of the time. And, I was really tired-often too tired to enjoy my baby or take good care of myself.

When my second child was born, our situation had changed, and I was able to stay home with our children. For a time, I played out my fantasy of being the perfect wife and mother. I made bread, kept an immaculate house, sewed, read to my children, took them places, and yet, at times, I felt incomplete. What was lacking in my life was contact with other adults. I didn't want to work outside my home, but I did need the support and friendship of peers in the work of being a full-time mom. I found a support group of like-minded women, and became involved in volunteering for that organization. That involvement gave me the adult interaction I craved, work that fed my soul, and was compatible with my family's needs.

When my third child came along, I had been expecting to return to paid work part-time. Both of my older children were in school, and prior to finding out I was pregnant, I felt my years of at-home mothering were at an end. The new baby made me evaluate a third time how I wanted to see myself as a woman, mother, and contributor to society.

When I was contemplating my choices, society seemed to be going in another direction. Women were being told that they should have careers, and that staying home with children was a thankless task. But my experience taught me that in spite of what was going on in society, I needed to be available to my children as their primary caretaker. To accomplish that, I had to be creative, because I also needed to contribute to the family income. My solution was to work from home.

I tried a number of at-home jobs, including tutoring, providing day care, and freelance writing. Finally I landed a job with this newspaper as managing editor. Working for Northwest Baby & Child has been my dream job, affording me the opportunity to interact with other adults, continue writing and editing, and contribute to the greater good by encouraging and supporting parents.

Each child forced me to look at my priorities and expectations anew. In each situation there were trade-offs, such as learning to live on less money, feeling out of step with the mainstream culture, or missing being with peers. There is no easy answer to the dilemma of balancing a work life with parenting, but I have always been happiest when I followed my heart. My heart told me I needed to mother my way, and once I accepted that as my priority, the choices I made were easier to carry out. I realize now that I was fortunate to have choices, when mothers in earlier generations didn't have so many options.

Northwest Baby & Child recognizes that each mother must carefully consider her own needs and the needs of her family when making career and lifestyle decisions. Our purpose is to provide ideas and support so you can make informed choices. In this issue, we explore the option of working from home, and making do with less. But there are other options too. I only know you'll be happiest and feel most fulfilled if you follow your heart, whatever choice you make.