From the Editor: Dads do a good job

Thirty years ago, I left my two-month-old baby in the care of her father while I returned to work. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done, not because I didn't trust him, but because I wanted to be her primary caretaker. I was also nursing, and wanted to continue, but that too was difficult with no support or information. Still we prevailed, Jessica survived and thrived, and I got to stay home with our second and third children.

While my role as provider and mother was difficult for me, my husband's role as at-home daddy was also no picnic. There was no support for him at all-no dads' groups or Internet chat rooms for at-home daddies then. It was not macho in those days to "wear your baby," though he did just that, or to spend time caring for and playing with a child, something he also did with love and imagination.

Today, a growing number of dads stay home with babies and preschoolers. Fortunately, this role for men is now much more accepted and supported by the community. Dads connect with each other not only on the playground and at preschool, but also on the Internet and through special publications. In recent years, this newspaper has seen a surge of submissions from writer dads who want to share their experiences. We welcome their contributions.

What I don't want to hear from dads is how inept they are at childcare. The picture of a bumbling, fumbling daddy with baby spit-up all over him is a cliche. Mr. Mom was a comic figure in the 1980s, but real dads aren't clowns, nor are they inept. They, like mothers since time began, do what they have to do to take good care of their children.

Sure, it's messy, tiring, and requires more patience than you thought you'd ever need. We all know it's not very rewarding to clean up poop off practically everything, or to have a meal you just prepared land with a plop on the floor. And a big paycheck would be a nice affirmation for the hard work you're doing. But the realities of life with children are no reason to do a poor job, or pretend to be learning-impaired when it comes to common sense childcare. Men can be just as good at caring for babies as women, and there's no need to be self-conscious about it. All work done in the name of love has merit.

Children deserve to have two parents who want to be good at parenting and will do whatever they need to do. If Dad is the premier bath-giver and baby-wearer, then hurray! If Mom can calm a cranky infant with rocking and nursing, lucky baby. If Dad tells the best bedtime stories, and Mom gives the best bedtime hugs, everybody wins.

It truly takes a village to raise a child, but the most important "villagers" are the parents, both of them, sharing equally in the fun and foibles of parenting. To all those dads out there taking an active role in parenting, count your blessings. And to the moms who have an equal partner in parenting, count your lucky stars too.