When should I wean?

A mother asks: When should I wean my baby? He's going to be a year old soon, and friends and relatives keep asking if he's still nursing. Nursing has gone well, and we enjoy it, but I wonder if I should continue.

Your decision to breastfeed your baby was a personal one, and so is the decision about when to wean. Well-meaning friends and relatives cannot understand your special nursing relationship with your child, so the best you can do when asked is to say, "We're working on it," and change the subject. (Actually, you began to wean the first time you gave your baby any food other than breast milk, so you'll be telling the absolute truth.) If people pressure you, gently suggest they learn about the benefits of nursing a toddler, or provide them with accurate information yourself. Many studies have shown that breast milk is still the perfect food for toddlers, providing them with needed immunities and superbly balanced nutrition as they learn to eat table foods.

Another excellent source of support and information is meeting with other mothers of nursing toddlers. La Leche League frequently offers Toddler Meetings where you can get accurate information and find support for nursing beyond one year. Look for LLL Toddler Meeting listings in the La Leche League schedule at left on this page.

There is no one right age to wean. Some toddlers get impatient with sitting still long enough to nurse, and some need the extra security of viewing the world for a while longer from the safety of mother's arms. All toddlers need to check in with mom from time to time, and nursing reassures them that comfort and security are still readily available as they busily explore their environment. The months after age one are such physically demanding ones that toddlers need frequent "pit stops" to refuel and regroup for the next adventure.

Also, as a baby eats more table foods and becomes more verbal, his nursing cues will gradually change from a need for food to a need for comfort and reassurance. It does no harm to nurse a tired toddler to sleep after a busy day. In fact, it probably does you both a great deal of good. Mothers of busy toddlers need rest, and nursing forces a mother to sit down and take it easy, if only for a few minutes. The hormones you produce while breastfeeding will also help you stay calm and focused on your baby's needs, and on your special relationship with him.

If there's no outside reason to wean, such as going back to work, illness, or a new baby coming, there's no hurry. Toddlers gradually outgrow the need to nurse as they grow into other behaviors that meet the same needs for food, comfort, and security. Denying the breast can complicate the weaning process, making nursing all the more appealing, rather than helping your child toward independence.

I once heard some parenting advice that may be helpful when considering when to wean: "Meet the need and it will go away. Deny it and it will become stronger."

If possible, it is best to move toward weaning gradually, with strong awareness of your baby's need for you and with clear ideas of how you will meet his needs without nursing. Some days a toddler will nurse frequently, and others hardly at all. If you are patient with his timetable, he will wean when he is ready. Also, your body will easily adjust to his changing needs if weaning is accomplished slowly, over a period of months.

Finally, make the decision that feels just right to you, not one that others pressure you to make. Nursing a toddler can be a special joy and a rewarding experience. Many mothers cherish the memories of those close times with a growing baby/child. If you want to try it, follow your instincts. After all, it's your baby, your body, your family's life, and your memories.