How to be a fabulous father

What I’m about to tell you is critically important. Over the past five months of being a new dad, I’ve discovered the key to fatherhood—the secret to being a really great dad. And I’m willing to share this information with you for the low, low price of $19.99.

Just kidding. Like most occupations in life, there is no “secret” to being really great at something. In the case of fatherhood, the best dads seem to be the ones who spend as much time as possible being a dad. There is no substitute—not toys, not money, not ponies—for spending time with your child.

I’m by no means an expert, but here are a few other things I’ve learned in my short time as a father:

Take ownership of a daddy job. Identify one or more of the really thankless baby tasks and make it your own. What most people call a dirty diaper, my wife calls a daddy diaper. I clean up the baby’s poop and it makes my wife’s day so much more enjoyable. Other good daddy jobs include being the official baby photographer and being the official assembler of stuff (cribs, toys, etc.).

Learn the baby lingo. A father who knows baby terms impresses the heck out of people. Just a little studying goes a long way. For instance, when your partner asks your thoughts on a convertible car seat, you’ll know not to get too excited. Purchasing a new ragtop is out of the question at this time. She just wants to know if you like the car seats that accommodate infants and toddlers. And, when you tickle the newborn’s feet and the baby flares his toes upward, you can tell everyone you just administered the Babinski reflex test.

Be a grandparent ambassador. Believe me, grandparents can be extremely helpful. That’s why they call them grand. As a dad, reach out to them. If they live in town, invite them over to visit or babysit. If they live out of town, email photos often. Just remember, don’t abuse the generosity of grandparents. Always leave them wanting more.

Make time for your partner. You must make sure that your relationship remains top priority. Get a babysitter every now and then and get out of the house!

Unleash your creativity, not your wallet. It’s very tempting as a new dad to go out and buy your little one everything in sight. Don’t. First of all, relatives and friends will undoubtedly shower you with more than enough newborn gear. Second, babies just don’t need that much stuff. My five-month-old son is as equally enthralled by my wiggling fingers in his face and making funky noises as he is with any high-tech toy. Another rule of thumb, buy items as the child grows and needs them, not months or years ahead of time.

Buy a good backpack for the baby stuff. There’s nothing worse than a father walking his baby around town with a pink Hello Kitty diaper bag strapped around his neck. Come on, now. This is one must buy. Find a nice black or navy blue backpack or diaper bag designed to hold all the baby paraphernalia.

Job share with your partner. Yes, raising a baby takes a lot of work and, especially in the first few months, a lot of odd hours. The worst scenario is to have both mom and dad physically exhausted every day. I suggest some job sharing. Split up the late-night shifts and be willing to pitch in on housework and meal preparation.

Learn how to do everything with one hand. Babies love to be held. Therefore, you’ll need to learn how to do things with one hand. Of course, there are limits to this. For example, never, never attempt to eat dessert holding a little one. Too many good pieces of blueberry pie have hit the floor this way.

Finish big home projects before the baby arrives. This one applies to new-dads-to-be, and let me be blunt: for goodness sake, do it now, man! Once the baby arrives, you’ll either be hiring someone to complete the project or you’ll be scheduling it for 2012.

Memorize a few signature songs. It’s a biological fact that women know the words to more songs than men. While we were playing football in our youth, the girls (one of whom is now the mother of your child) were off singing and dancing. Since babies love to be sung to, you are seemingly at a disadvantage. But don’t despair. Knowing a few signature songs will get you by. Sing Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Old MacDonald Had a Farm, or whatever else you know. Take this grand opportunity to take yourself less seriously and focus on wackiness, laughter, and fun. There is no joy quite like seeing your baby smile as you sing My Sharona. Enjoy.